1
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,959
Are you ready to be reborn?

2
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,959
Yes, we are.

3
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:10,959
Deffo!

4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,959
Then step through the walls
of the vagina

5
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,959
baby first, placenta second,

6
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:20,999
baby holding placenta's hand
and... become.

7
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,959
DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

8
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,959
Lovely. Baby first.
Placenta second. Lovely.

9
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,959
Slow. Hi, guys. Congratulations.
Gorgeous. Hi, Mags. How are you?

10
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,959
Baby first, placenta second.

11
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,959
Uh... no placenta?
MUSIC STOPS

12
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,959
Oh, my placenta bailed on me.

13
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:38,959
Can I still be reborn?

14
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,960
Well, we don't recommend it.
You'll be lacking in nutrition.

15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,159
I mean, we could try.

16
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,959
- Er...
- Please?

17
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,959
Oh... no.
CHUCKLES

18
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,799
It's just it's kind of hard
to do a... boop, boop, boop!

19
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,319
Back up the birth canal.

20
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,159
EXHALES DEEPLY
OK. Fine.

21
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,959
Be reborn.

22
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,959
DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

23
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,959
'But what if we made
a mistake?'

24
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,959
'Aidan, we've tried
and tried to make this work.'

25
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,959
'I love you, you love me,

26
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,960
'so why does it feel like
it isn't enough?'

27
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,479
'Maybe it isn't enough.'

28
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,960
MUSIC CONTINUES

29
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:27,639
'Look. I think it's best
for us both if we move on.'

30
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,000
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS

31
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,959
Now you are reborn.

32
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,959
You feel completely different
don't you?

33
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,959
That's 187 euro.

34
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,959
MUSIC SLOWS,
STOPS

35
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,639
You can pay on your way out.

36
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,960
UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

37
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,960
DOG BARKING

38
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,319
She's back in and back out
and back in again.

39
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,959
HE LAUGHS
It's a gas.

40
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,479
Stan.

41
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,959
I brought you along
on my solo freelance adventure

42
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,959
to help me build a brand,
not to watch me be born

43
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,959
and unborn and reborn
all over again.

44
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,639
That's not what I'm paying you for.

45
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,159
- You're not paying me.
- Exactly.

46
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,959
And why is that?
- Because you have no money.

47
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,959
And why would that be, Stan?

48
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,960
Because you left a job that
you actually were being paid for?

49
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:15,959
And why would that be?

50
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,959
OK. I don't know the answer
to that one.

51
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,159
Refreshing. Well done, Stan.

52
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,959
- You make a beautiful baby, Joy.
- Oh. Thank you, Emer.

53
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,959
But it's also
a major rebirth metaphor.

54
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,959
Is it a metaphor if that's
literally happening?

55
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,959
- Yeah.
- Yes.

56
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,999
One hundred percent of
the audience are gonna get this.

57
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:35,959
OK, guys, I got on board this
whole pared-back Joy 2.0 setup

58
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,959
because it's all about control, OK?

59
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,319
We need to reclaim our vaginas
from the patriarchy.

60
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,960
Absolutely.
My penis is the worst.

61
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,959
OK. And without further ado...

62
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,959
Whoop.

63
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,959
These are bum wipes?

64
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:52,959
Wipes. Yeah.

65
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,479
They're sponsoring
this week's rebirthing piece.

66
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:56,959
Sponsor love. That's so cool.

67
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,959
Yeah, a sponsor is cool,

68
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,959
but, Emer, do you think that
we could get, like, better...

69
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,799
- Sponsors?
- Yeah.

70
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:04,959
Like glowy skin-care stuff?

71
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,799
Yeah. Like eyelash serum.

72
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,159
- Eyelash serum.
- Eyebrow serum.

73
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,959
- Eyebrow serum.
- Face serum.

74
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,959
Face serum. Absolutely.

75
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,959
Just get your subscriber
numbers up. OK? No pressure.

76
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,959
Let's all hope you were reborn
a workaholic, Joy,

77
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:19,959
cos we all need to get paid.

78
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,960
Otherwise it's curtains.

79
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,999
MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

80
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,999
LAUGHING

81
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,479
- This is so much...
- Stan.

82
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,160
Yeah.

83
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:35,959
BELL CHIMES

84
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,959
Oh, my God. Emer, look at this.

85
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:39,959
Yeah. I'm just gonna go.

86
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,959
- Emer, look.
- Joy, I'm on this desk today.

87
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,959
Yeah. No.
I know we did discuss it

88
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,959
and I take your point
that it's a desk rotation space,

89
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,959
but I don't think that means
we need to rotate the desks.

90
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,959
It's just that I've got
an important project on, Joy,

91
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,639
and I'm under a bit of pressure
and I need a desk.

92
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,319
This desk is rubbish.
If I sit here, I have to go

93
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,959
all the way over there
to pick up my photocopies.

94
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,959
And I've got four hours to find
a way of marketing scallions

95
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,999
in a sexy way
that doesn't objectify them.

96
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,959
Are they lady scallions?

97
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,799
Yes. So I am under pressure.

98
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:11,999
Time is money.
- Scallions are money.

99
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,959
Well, scallions plus time
divided by money...

100
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,959
Oh, my God. Just kiss already.

101
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,959
The sexual tension is too much.

102
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:20,960
Emer.

103
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,959
There's literally
no sexual tension.

104
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:25,959
Great.
Yeah, Emer.

105
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,959
I mean, it's not as if I've ended
up sharing a tiny office space

106
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,999
with someone I had a really
awkward one-night stand with.

107
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,959
I bloody knew it.

108
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,959
Well, isn't that Dublin
for you, guys?

109
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,959
She did say that she thought
that I was in,

110
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,639
but like just for a minute.
Maybe less.

111
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,959
- Emer.
- Emer.

112
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:44,959
Sorry, guys.

113
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,959
Emer.
- What?

114
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,000
Too much.

115
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,799
OK. Next up... finding your roots.

116
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:54,959
Genealogy.

117
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,639
Nah. I don't want to do that.

118
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,959
My mum is convinced
that her great-grandfather

119
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,960
murdered a couple of people from...

120
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,999
...from the countryside.
Maybe they were farmers.

121
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,959
I'd say they were farmers
or shepherds.

122
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:10,959
Shepherds or farmers, I guess.

123
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,959
I just feel that could get
awkward for old Joy face here.

124
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,959
What if we got a nice hair-dye
sponsor link-in, you know,

125
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,959
"Back to your roots"?

126
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,959
Do you know, that was so long ago
and I'm obsessed with roots.

127
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,959
I'll ask my mum if it's OK.
- Why do you need to ask your mum?

128
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,959
Isn't your great-grandfather dead?
- He's beyond dead.

129
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,479
Legally you're fine, then.

130
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:30,959
- OK. Cool.
- OK. Thanks, Karen.

131
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,159
If you could just...

132
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,959
So, other challenges
from the viewers.

133
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,799
- Yeah.
- "Wear a cat in a papoose."

134
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,479
Shite. "Sing everything
you say for a day."

135
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,959
Yes. Yeah.
♪ I'm walking down the street

136
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,959
♪ And now I'm going to the toilet. ♪

137
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:46,959
Clearly doesn't work.

138
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,959
"Play kiss-chase with
total randomers on the street."

139
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:50,999
OK, what I will say is

140
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,959
that that is just
completely illegal for adults

141
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,959
under EU law, on account
of it is sexual assault.

142
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,959
And even worse than that,
I don't know if any of those

143
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,959
hold the key to lasting lifelong
happiness. Those are dares, Emer.

144
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,959
- My idea.
- OK.

145
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,959
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
School.

146
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,959
You're going back
to your old school, Joy.

147
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:11,959
MUSIC CONTINUES

148
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,959
Oh, my...

149
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,959
Do you know, I would love
to go back to there.

150
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,959
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure!

151
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,159
- You don't sound sure.
- Yes!

152
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,960
Great.
Because it's an amazing idea.

153
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,959
- Do you like eggs?
- I like scrambled eggs.

154
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:38,960
Coming right up.

155
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,960
LAUGHTER

156
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,640
It was more like a fried egg.

157
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:49,959
I'm sorry.
Did I get your order wrong?

158
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,960
No.

159
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,959
Thanks, Becky.

160
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
Did she just breathe?

161
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,479
WHIMPERS,
GROANS

162
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:13,959
For the DNA roots piece,

163
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,959
it's gonna take at least a week
to get the results back.

164
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,959
But for now, you're going back...

165
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,959
- Ooh.
- ...to school.

166
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,959
CAMERA BEEPS
Yes.

167
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,959
Ye-e-e-e-s.

168
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:25,959
Yes!
SHE LAUGHS

169
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,959
Facing your past,
facing your future, everyone.

170
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,479
The new Joy 2.0,
literally born yesterday!

171
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,959
That's what this is about,
more subscribers

172
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:35,999
and getting loads of free stuff!

173
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,999
Come on, Phillip!

174
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,959
Make scallions sexy again!
- Yep.

175
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,959
Freelance Legal Karen! What
have you got for me? Come on, Karen!

176
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,959
Just trying to get
a court injunction over the line

177
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,960
in relation to child human slavery.

178
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:52,959
Come on.

179
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,959
CAMERA BEEPS

180
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,959
I'd... I'd cut that.

181
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,959
I'm... I'm sorry!
I don't control the cards!

182
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,959
SOBBING
It's not an exact science!

183
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,959
WOMAN WEEPS

184
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,319
I told her her husband
was never gonna leave her.

185
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,959
Some people just don't want
to hear the truth.

186
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,959
Speaking of which, hi, landlady.

187
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,959
Hiya.
HORN BLARES, TYRES SCREECH

188
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,959
Oh.

189
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,959
I also predicted difficulty
crossing the road, to be fair.

190
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:19,959
Is she OK?

191
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,959
She'll be fine.
SHE SIGHS

192
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,959
You know, Christie, if I had known

193
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,159
that reading tarot
was your only source of income,

194
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,959
I might have been a little bit
more worried

195
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,959
about you being able
to pay the rent.

196
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,159
GLASS CLANKING

197
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,319
And eating all my yogurts!

198
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:38,639
What's in your future is me
replacing them by tomorrow. Promise.

199
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,959
Christie, being freelance
is so hard.

200
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,959
I understand that.
But I need rent.

201
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,999
And I really need
my Bifidus ActiRegularis.

202
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,959
- What's more important?
- Yogurt.

203
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,959
How about I make it up to you
by reading your cards?

204
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,959
No. No way.
No. Absolutely no way.

205
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,959
Also if my cards are bad, I'm just
gonna follow you around the house

206
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,959
looking really sad
and really worried, like this.

207
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:00,999
OK. You've got a point there.

208
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,959
I've never lived
with one of my patients before.

209
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,959
You know, the way you said
"patients" there...

210
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,959
You do know that tarot is,
like, not medical?

211
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,960
It is. It's like when they say
laughter is the best medicine.

212
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:15,959
That is a metaphor, Christie.

213
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:20,799
Next you'll be saying Dr Phil
is a doctor and not an actor.

214
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,159
Oh, no. He is a doctor.

215
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,959
- What?
- Yeah. He's a head doctor.

216
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,959
Oh, no. Wait.
No. Maybe he's a really good...

217
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,799
Is he an actor? Maybe he is an
actor.

218
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:30,959
Is he an actor?
- OK.

219
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,959
So, the key to understanding
Dr Phil is in his name.

220
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,959
In fairness, there are
some actors I would let...

221
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,479
- Doctor Phil.
- ...examine me.

222
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:38,959
No. It's not Actor Phil.

223
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,959
Like George Clooney, because...

224
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,959
- Do you understand?
- ...he has played a doctor.

225
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,959
Anyway, that is not the point.
Look.

226
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,959
The future is your thing.
The present is my thing.

227
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,959
Dealing with the now,
that's my thing.

228
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,959
The now is looking a little low
on rent.

229
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:52,959
DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

230
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,959
See? Look at you.

231
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,959
You handled that so well.

232
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,799
- Beautiful.
- George Clooney...

233
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,959
I would allow him to give me
a routine examination.

234
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,959
MUSIC CONTINUES

235
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,800
Just like a standard smear.

236
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,959
Don't be nervous, Joy.
You'll be deadly.

237
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,959
I'm not nervous, Stan. Honestly.

238
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,959
You're wide of the mark there.

239
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,639
It's just like any public speaking.

240
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,959
You have to imagine them all naked.

241
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,959
Wait. It's a school, so... children.

242
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,959
Maybe you're naked.

243
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:29,959
Cos that's not illegal,

244
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,959
for you to be naked
in someone else's head.

245
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,959
Wait. If you're naked in my head...

246
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,959
You're... No.

247
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,959
You speak. I'm naked. You talk.

248
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,160
N... You're...
I'm the camera... Stan.

249
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,959
GIRL COUGHING

250
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:54,959
Uh...

251
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,159
HIGH-PITCHED: This is such
an incredible honour.

252
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,639
This is such
an incredible honour...

253
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,959
FEEDBACK SQUEALS
...to be here.

254
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,959
I mean, yeah, I get recognised
on the bus sometimes,

255
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,479
and I'm like, "Guys,"

256
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:11,959
but I don't see myself as a
success because of these things.

257
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,959
But to be invited back
to your old school,

258
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:19,959
it really feels like one of
those "You've made it, girl!"

259
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,479
moments.

260
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,159
Just to be clear,
your producer called us

261
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,959
and asked could you come back.

262
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,959
Said you'd be dynamic.
Said you'd be wise.

263
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,959
Yeah. Some lovely words there.
Thank you.

264
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,959
Yes. So, as you all know,
my YouTube channel

265
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,959
is about finding joy...
an enjoyable pun

266
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,959
for all you English
heads out there.

267
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,959
And I get it, guys.
Being a teenager

268
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,959
is one of life's
biggest challenges.

269
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,959
I'm with youse all.
I'm on team You Guys.

270
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:53,959
Just last year,
I also faced a massive upheaval,

271
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,959
and I overcame it to set up my own
business as an online entrepreneur

272
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,959
with, thankfully,
a lot of subscribers.

273
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,799
Clara's channel has
one million subscribers.

274
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,999
Hey, guys. Hit me up
for some top tips on fashion,

275
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,959
cooking, make-up, and interiors.

276
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,959
Interiors?

277
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:12,960
Interiors.

278
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,959
Well, that's a lot of people.

279
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,159
But, you know, I find that
it's more about quantity...

280
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,959
quality.
Oh! Quant... Sorry.

281
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,959
Quantity is what you have,
but I think it's about quality.

282
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:25,999
Basically what I'm saying is

283
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,959
just keep trying, guys. Keep trying.
Except for you, Clara,

284
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,959
cos you can nearly take your foot
off the gas there,

285
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,959
you're doing so much.
How do you even have time to study?

286
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,959
I mean...
- Nerd!

287
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,959
Sorry. Old habits.

288
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,960
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

289
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,959
Or, you know... a joke.

290
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,960
Yeah, let's call it a joke.
Continue.

291
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,479
Just some fun banter there
between me and Ms Glynn.

292
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,959
Like the good old days, eh?
I've missed that, Ms Glynn.

293
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,639
Have you, though?

294
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,159
I really doubt that.

295
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,999
LAUGHTER

296
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,959
LAUGHS STIFFLY

297
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,959
Yes, I have. I have. Yeah.
You've got a real crowd going here.

298
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,319
A real mob. Fair play to you.
FEEDBACK SQUEALS

299
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,959
I know that being a teenager
is a strange time,

300
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,959
people wrestling
with their emotions,

301
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,959
their physical urges...

302
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,800
But I think it's really important
not to let these define you.

303
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,000
We have to reclaim our vaginas
from the patriarchy.

304
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,959
Are you volcel?

305
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,959
Yeah. No.
Loads of people are volcel.

306
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,959
Yeah. Everyone's volcel.
It's the new thing.

307
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,959
Well, yeah, I am. Exactly.

308
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,959
So what would be really cool
at this point

309
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,959
is if you could describe volcel
for me in your own words.

310
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,959
For my subscriber base.

311
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:53,959
Voluntary celibacy.

312
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,959
People who don't have sex
for a year.

313
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,959
LAUGHTER

314
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,959
Excellent. Ha-ha.

315
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,959
LAUGHTER

316
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,959
So, yeah, I mean, basically...
it is a challenge.

317
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,959
It's gonna... It is a challenge.

318
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,639
But I think that challenges
are good for... your brain.

319
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,959
What will you do
with all that energy, Miss?

320
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,959
Well, I think it's really important
to keep that energy for yourself

321
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,959
you know, just express it
as self-care, self-love, even.

322
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,959
Are you talking about wanking, Miss?
LAUGHTER

323
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,959
Well, I guess that's one way
of expressing self-care.

324
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,959
We're not actually allowed talk
about that without a consent form.

325
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,959
Well, I think that we should be
teaching it in classrooms, actually.

326
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,159
Masturbation?
LAUGHTER

327
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,959
Will you teach us, Miss?

328
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:39,999
Yeah. Help us find joy?

329
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,960
LAUGHTER

330
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,000
That went well.
BELL RINGS

331
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,959
I'd say you're not used to being
outside the principal's office,

332
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,959
are you, Joy?
- Oh, no, Stan.

333
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,959
You see, the thing about me is
I was really bold.

334
00:14:55,960 --> 00:15:00,959
I was bold to the bone.
Me and Becky Glynn... boldies.

335
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:01,960
Psst.

336
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,159
- What are you in for?
- Uh...

337
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,959
I got snared
cartwheeling in the corridor,

338
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,959
doing this cool move
for Becky and the guys.

339
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,639
AIR HISSES

340
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,959
Yeah. But I clipped Mr Murphy
in the face with my shoe.

341
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:17,960
That's so cool!

342
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,959
- What are you in for?
- I didn't do anything.

343
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,959
I just prefer being in here
than out there.

344
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,959
She loves me.
AIR HISSES

345
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,959
- And to get out of hockey.
- Hockey is so scary.

346
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:30,959
AIR HISSES

347
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,959
People charging at you with sticks.

348
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,959
Getting whacked on your kneecaps.

349
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,639
- Freezing cold hands.
- Freezing cold hands.

350
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,959
- Jinx!
- Jinx!

351
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:40,999
AIR HISSES

352
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,999
- I'm Trish.
- Joy.

353
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,960
- You're both complete nerds.
- Shh.

354
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,480
AIR HISSES

355
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,159
Come here, Joy. Did you really mean
that stuff about becoming a nun?

356
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,159
Yeah. I'm thinking about it
for ages.

357
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,319
It's such a coincidence
that it came up today.

358
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,960
So blessed.

359
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,640
Oh, hey, guys.

360
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,960
Adults are such nobs, guys.

361
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,959
Grown-ups are dicks.

362
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,960
I know. Yeah.

363
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,959
This was so me,
back in the day at the bike sheds.

364
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,960
Is it OK if I scab a bit off you?

365
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,960
Ugh. School.

366
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,960
AIR HISSING

367
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,959
WHEEZES,
COUGHS

368
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:51,959
GROANS,
WHIMPERS

369
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:56,159
COUGHS,
LAUGHS

370
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,959
Is it pomegranate?
Peach?

371
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,959
It's actually weed.

372
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,639
Pure THC.

373
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,959
Very strong.
- Yes.

374
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,959
I was just thinking that I would
like that

375
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,959
and now it's inside me,
which is chill.

376
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,000
Drugs.

377
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,960
Oh, my God! Sketch-sketch!

378
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,999
WHIMPERS

379
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,959
LAUGHING

380
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,959
LAUGHTER
Oh, my gosh.

381
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,959
That was so Colleen Dana.
LAUGHS

382
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,959
Stan, have you got
any fizzy jellies, any fizzers?

383
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,319
- Uh...
- Hey!

384
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,959
Yeah, maybe I did feel like
I had to try harder to fit in!

385
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,960
But not any more, nun features,
cos I've been reborn!

386
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:41,960
Do you see a nun?

387
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,639
No.
JOYS GASPS

388
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,160
Ske-e-e-e-e-tch!

389
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,959
Hiya, burger guy!
'Hi.'

390
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:03,959
So, burgers with cheese, bacon,

391
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,999
thick-cut fries and waffle fries
and crunchy fries.

392
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,959
Super-size of all the drinks.
HORNS HONKING

393
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,959
And cheese on everything.

394
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,959
Nuggies. Nuggies.
I'll have six nuggies.

395
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,959
-'OK.'
- Twelve nuggies.

396
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,959
24... 36 nuggets, I guess.
HORNS HONKING

397
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:20,999
-'OK.'
- We'll see...

398
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,959
We'll literally see you
in a second.

399
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,959
'Yes, you will.'
- OK!

400
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:25,959
- 'OK.'
- Thanks!

401
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,960
LAUGHS,
HORNS HONKING

402
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,959
- Are you the man from earlier?
- It's just you two?

403
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,959
I thought there was a rugby team
coming through.

404
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,639
Why would you think that I have
something to do with rugby?

405
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,959
Oh, my God!
Look how high you are!

406
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,959
Your eyes are
like saucers!

407
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,959
You're like a cartoon stoner.

408
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,959
That doesn't even mean anything.

409
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,959
- Not to you, Grandma.
- I'm actually not older than you!

410
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,319
- You're fucking ancient!
- I'm in a car! It ages me!

411
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,959
What, you think the lighting
in here is soft?

412
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,159
Why are we fighting?!

413
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,960
- Would you like curry sauce?
- Obviously!

414
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:07,960
Fuck.

415
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:15,960
Thank you.

416
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,959
ENGINE SHUTS OFF
Sorry!

417
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:25,960
SIGHS

418
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,960
I told her her mother-in-law
was gonna survive, so...

419
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:37,960
Your flatmate is so...
fascinating.

420
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:47,960
DOOR CLOSES

421
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,959
Hey, was that your friend Stan
out there?

422
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,639
Yes, it was.

423
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,960
Oh, my God.
You should totally tap that.

424
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,959
Yum. I am his boss.

425
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,959
And I don't want to be
like Don Draper.

426
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,959
Why not?

427
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,959
Also, I think he likes you.

428
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,959
Pfft. Oh...

429
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,959
Also... I'm volcel.

430
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,959
- Voluntarily...
- Celibate.

431
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,959
What will you do
with all that energy?

432
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,959
Why do people keep saying that?
DOORBELL RINGS

433
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,999
GASPS
Oh, my God!

434
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,959
I think he's called back for you!
This is so romantic!

435
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,159
- I don't...
- Ooh!

436
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,799
LAUGHTER
Are you ready?

437
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,959
- Yes.
- OK. Oh!

438
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,960
Ah.
- Oh.

439
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,959
- Are there any more babies in here?
- No.

440
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,799
- Is there loads and loads of wine?
- Yeah.

441
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,960
- Then get out of my way.
- Oh!

442
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,639
I met you earlier... past you.

443
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:53,960
Past me is dead.

444
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,960
- Here. Let me take your...
- Take my baby, Joy.

445
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,319
What are we watching?

446
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:02,959
Game Of Thrones.

447
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,959
It's pretty violent,
and there's a lot of shagging.

448
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,959
SWORDS CLANKING

449
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,959
Trish. Yeah, it is. It's over-18s,
so in front of the baby...

450
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,959
I'm actually looking for ideas

451
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,959
on how to kill my husband,
so it's kind of perfect.

452
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:15,960
Turn it up.
- OK.

453
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,959
SWORDS CLANKING,
CROWD SHOUTING

454
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,799
I'm just hoping that they have
sex symbols with leaky boobs

455
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:24,959
and stitched vaginas,

456
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,639
because we are under-represented
on the screen.

457
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,959
Sorry. Am I being too loud?
- N-No.

458
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,999
Where's that wine
that I've heard so much about?

459
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:37,479
Oh, Trish, should you be drinking
wine with your sexy, leaky boobs?

460
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,959
- I'm bottle feeding now.
- Yeah, absolutely

461
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,959
And this is the only thing
I've watched this week

462
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:43,959
apart from Five Little Ducks.

463
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,959
And I'm sorry,
but that story is crap.

464
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,959
Every duck going over the hill.

465
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,319
So repetitive.

466
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,799
And the mother duck never learns.

467
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:54,959
Every duck.

468
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,959
Like, come on!
- Yeah.

469
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,959
SWORDS CLANKING,
HORSE NEIGHS

470
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,000
GULPS

471
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:05,959
EXHALES DEEPLY

472
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,960
I feel amazing now.

473
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,959
I have been through sort of
a rebirthing process myself.

474
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,479
I think what Joy is trying
to say is,

475
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,959
why don't you go upstairs
and have a nice long bath?

476
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,480
Yeah.

477
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,959
Go and run a bath, Joy.

478
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:23,959
- Oh.
- Run a...

479
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,319
- Absolutely.
- Run a bath. Yeah.

480
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:26,959
Make sure
it's the fancy bubbles.

481
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,959
Yeah.
BABY CRYING

482
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,959
And I will exercise
everything I've learned

483
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,959
from watching
Hollywood Nanny on E!

484
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,159
And I will get you to sleep, OK?

485
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,799
- OK.
- Who runs the bath? Girls.

486
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:41,959
Who runs the bath?

487
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:42,959
- ♪ Girls! ♪
- ♪ Girls! ♪

488
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,959
'Also dogs, ladies, please.'

489
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,319
The only wrinkles
I wish I had more of.

490
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:49,959
Bath wrinkles.
- Mm-hm.

491
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,159
Oh. Let me read your palm.
Oh, my God.

492
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,479
You're gonna have
seven more kids, you mentalist.

493
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,959
- Oh.
- Jokes.

494
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,959
I'm way better at cards.
Let me do your cards.

495
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,799
Oh, not a chance. I've had
a bath and a litre of wine,

496
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:01,959
and I don't need anyone telling me

497
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,959
that a bus is gonna drive
into my face.

498
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,959
- Go on, then, I'll do it.
- Oh, yes. Ooh...

499
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,959
Oh, my God, Joy.
You're gonna go on a journey.

500
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:09,959
So generic.

501
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,959
You're gonna meet a person
from a faraway land.

502
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,159
JOY VIBRATES LIPS,
CHRISTIE GASPS

503
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,959
Ooh. Someone's gonna have
a threesome.

504
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,959
Well, I'm volcel, so...
No posible.

505
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,959
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

506
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,159
Oh, go on.
I know this one. Death card.

507
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,959
Everyone always freaks out about it.
But it's really good, isn't it?

508
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,959
No. You're thinking
about the reaper card.

509
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,960
No. This is the death card.
This is bad.

510
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,960
Someone close to you
is going to die.

511
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,959
JOY LAUGHS
Come on, Christie.

512
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,959
I believe in actual science,

513
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,960
things like the Bermuda Triangle
and stuff.

514
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:53,960
BABY CRYING
I'll get it!

515
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,959
CRYING CONTINUES

516
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,959
UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

517
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,960
BARKING

518
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,159
DOGS HOWLING,
BARKING

519
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,320
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com